So I’ve been sitting here for a while now. I’ve been thinking of what I should write, and even just writing and seeing what happens, but the issue is that I’m rather tired. I’m rather tired and feeling tired is also leaving me feel a little bit more fatigued than I’d like. Still, I feel a need and desire to write about something, but of course I don’t want to make this about trying to think of something to write. I’ve done that far too many times for my liking and I don’t think that I can do something substantial with that right now. I need to think of something else. I also need sleep. I also (also) need to work on doing some editing for some things that have been written that require the process of editing before they are published.
With things that need to be done that require my pushing through the being tired, it would probably be helpful to have a coffee right now. However, it would keep me awake for far longer than I would appreciate. It is currently late in the afternoon. Soon evening will be upon us. Caffeine seems to be good at doing its thing when it comes to affecting my body, and so I’d rather not have it right now. I still need to be able to fall asleep at the end of the period of my desiring the act of being awake and so I would rather not introduce that complication into my system at this present moment. Perhaps tomorrow that can be done, but right now it is off the proverbial table, and for good reason.
Suddenly I find myself reminded of times I’ve taken No-Doz in order to stay awake due to lack of sleep. There have been a few times I’ve had it with other things and, despite those things affecting my faculties, still being able to talk somewhat-coherently. There have been a few times when I’ve had a No-Doz, fallen asleep anyway, had a short sleep, woken up and felt rather awake. I’m not advocating for this as No-Doz is something best used in only specific circumstances and with some good consideration for the pros and cons; I’m just mentioning what I’m reminded of as it seems like something to mention. It probably wasn’t, but now I have written it and thus it is decreed as something I’ve written, and verily so. I could try going into more detail, but that’s where things get murky. I haven’t had No-Doz in a long time and I’d much prefer to keep it that way at this particular stage in my life.
So anyway, now that that is out of the way I need to think about how it is that I will see the end of this. I don’t know as to how far away sit is and I’ve still got a lot of distance to cover. I should be writing more fiction or letting more stream-of-conscious stuff taking over, but right now it’s not happening. I’m rather tired, yes, but also the mind is a little too aware and alert. That shouldn’t have an affect on how well I can switch off and let the words just flow as I move into “The Zone”, but apparently it is and as such I’m stuck with this pointless mess on my hands. I guess it could be far worse. I could not be able to write at all and that would be a problem for me, but… I’ve got nothing good to conclude that sentence with, so instead this sentence is concluded with the pointing out its conclusion and keeping the pointing out within its body. I am so clever.
So I think that I need to just rest at this point. I can still do stuff, but I need to take some sort of pressure off of myself as maybe the problem with the struggling to write right now is the both being tired whilst also trying to think of what it is that I need to write. It could be creating a situation where instead of producing anything I’m just struggling and palming it all off. Maybe I should just go to bed now. I might fall asleep. I might struggle with falling asleep. I don’t quite know as to which would happen. However, if I did that, then other things wouldn’t happen and so I need to stay awake for now.
I don’t know as to where I’m going with this. I’m sure that there is a point that I might be able to make. Perhaps there’s some poignancy that might be able to be distilled from this lengthy bit of writing upon which I am endeavouring to complete, but perhaps right now there I lack the ability to truly find meaning in the senselessness of these word combinations. Perhaps I should just throw in the towel and just write about trying to write. If I do that, then at least I’d be in familiar territory, but of course whilst refinement has a place and importance, I feel a need to venture out and broaden my metaphorical horizons. There needs to be the moving out and away from the core so as to be able to see what I can bring into what there already is and how I can use it to both expand and deepen.
Maybe right now is not the time to do so, but there certainly is an urge to do so. It could make for more of a challenge at the moment, but at the moment is not the right time. Right now is the time to rest and perhaps relax for a little while longer. There still are more than enough hours before the requirement of rest for an extended period finds itself kicking in, but right now it should just be relaxation time. Either that, or procrastination time. Either are probably as fine as each other at this moment.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 15:56:36
I hoped this would transform into something much more fictional, but instead it ended up not being fictional. Not a great writing. I think there’s some interesting parts, but overall it’s a bit lacking.
Written at home.