It’s the evening and it is dark outside. I should have started working on reviews a couple of hours ago, but that was at the tail end of work and now I’m here trying to write about other things so that, in a way, I get brought into the warming up in order to be able to write a review, or something. That’s what I’m telling myself, but at the end of this I’ll probably go and read for a while instead as… well, I don’t know, if I am to be honest.
With that being said I probably should write about something interesting. I know that right now I don’t feel like writing about trying to find something to write or not being able to write so I’m going to steer away from those subjects. I also know that I don’t want to write about current events as I don’t quite feel like going on a lengthy rant about the current state of things. At least at the moment I feel there are more productive uses of my time and indulging in a polemic is not one of them. Maybe later that will change. We’ll see.
I think that I need to think of something sooner rather than alter as I still have quite a way to go before I can say that I am at the end of this, and thinking about how much there is to go is a bit daunting. I don’t want to just fill this all up with words; I want to fill this with meaning. I want to search for meaning and have it here and fill this with meaning so that it is meaningful in some way. Perhaps it would be nice if it was touching. Whether it gets there is another story, of course, but I can still hope. Still, there needs to be action of the affirmative variety and as such, hoping will only get me so far. It won’t go far at all if there is no action taken, so hopefully I find the action that I need to take in order to bring that hope into something a bit more realised than what I am allowing to happen right now, which might just be very little, depending on your point of view of course.
Perhaps I am filling this with more meaning than I could ever intend and I don’t even know as that meaning is to be discovered by whomever reads this short length of text. If there is meaning in here and I don’t realise it but others do, then I am happy, but perhaps I need to stop dwelling on this subject and find something else. I still have time and I’m sure that I can find something to make this about that does not relate to the act of writing or the act of trying to find things to write about, but of course the longer I go on the less words I have to make this about something, so at some point I am doing to have to be proactive about the whole things as now I think I’m just trying to buy some idea of time… I think. Really not sure, to be honest.
Perhaps the idea of buying time is something that should be discussed and explored as thoroughly as possible, so really that means that someone who is not me should explore that idea. Maybe I could try, but I really don’t have the kind of amount of remaining words to be able to explore it as efficiently and deeply as I would want to explore said idea. Instead I must think of something else that could be worth the time and hassle of getting right into, but of course there isn’t enough time and space remaining. There are other things that I need to take care of. There is another review that I need to finish, though that one is more about editing and adding a bit extra than it is anything else at this stage, so I’m feeling pretty confident about getting it done in a small amount of time.
I think I just need to think. Maybe I should have a hat and have a few subjects thrown in and draw them out and then write about that. Just go all in and let the subconscious take over. Thinking too much about what I’m doing right now and of course that means that instead of avoiding one of the things I wanted to avoid, I have inevitably played right into its hands and been led along to a path almost as though I had no control or say in the matter, but of course I did and instead of doing anything about it I just carried on as though doing absolutely nothing other than continuing to let it take over my thoughts and writing was the way to avoid letting it take over my thoughts and writing. I have bamboozled myself and have done so far more willingly than I would ever dare admit. Of course this is an issue compounding on another issue, but at this point there is little room to turn back and do anything about it as this is all too far along so I need to get on with it, admit to my mistake and then try and wrap this all up in a way that makes the whole thing so utterly conclusive that it all seems like this was the intent all along and thus the meaning comes forward in a way that is far easier to digest than initially thought, therefore bringing people to some sort of realisation so that they then know whatever it is that they should or should not know and can then get on with the thing that they need to get on with, or something.
I guess that now that that is out of the way, this bit of writing will be about ignited tyres.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:06:62
Well, this certainly is a waffling.
Written at home.