There is only so much time but that is not something that right now needs to be covered. What needs to be covered is the two parts of my body that comprise the region known as the hands.
Well, there are more parts than that that comprise hands and I need to not cover them as they really are quite warm right now, but already I’m off on a tangent, but that is due to my once more trying to buy time until I reach whatever it is that I want to cover. Not sure if I’ll get there of course, but there is only one way to find out. That is something that I probably say far too often, but for some reason it feels like it should be said more often, though maybe not in written format. Revealing far too much of myself with those words. Or perhaps I’m not revealing much at all. Hard to say in this day and age, when I think about it, though thinking is not much of what I’m doing at the present time.
Anyway, I’m clearly trying to take up space and it is rather apparent to me, but perhaps not to you. Maybe this will read fine, but I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m probably overthinking the challenge of writing this morning. I think I need to let go a bit more. I need to relax. I need to unwind and let the words come through naturally. Need to think a little less and let that subconscious take over and guide all the words toward visibility. If I do that, then perhaps I won’t; worry so much about what I’m trying to write, though I don’t even know what it is that I am trying to write.
Maybe I’ve burned out again. Not really sure right now. The only way to get through burning out right now, however, is with writing. That’ll help. That will get me to the other side and into the cool breeze of which I so desperately crave. Hopefully the breeze isn’t too cool. Need a little bit of warmth in it. Well, actually, I don’t want much warmth in it. I just don’t want it to be cold. So long as it isn’t cold, then I’m happy. Just needs to be cool enough. Once I’m through this sensation that I probably don’t have, I will feel the breeze and glide through the rest of the day on the smoothness of which I am so readily ready to traverse.
That sounds like a good idea, though maybe I am not feeling as though I’m burned out and perhaps instead it’s just that, after a few nights of not enough sleep followed by one night of good sleep I’m still feeling tired and need multiple nights in a row where the sleep is good and long enough to make sure that my ability to function a little better than usual is much more fully realised. That would be a good thing, I think. However, even if it doesn’t happen, so long as I am able to function in any way, shape or form, then that is a good day. Not an excuse to not look after myself; just a realisation of the small variety.
Pretty sure I realised that a long time ago, but right now it feels like a new realisation, though it will feel as such the next time, and the next time, and so on and so forth until I realise that it’s not a realisation but a reminder to myself to keep on going, and so should you all. If you can, keep on going. If you can’t, then do your best to keep on going. Better yourself and help your community.
Now, onto something else. I think I need to get back to hoping for that cool breeze, but then again I shouldn’t hope for it. Well, maybe I should. Maybe it is a good idea to hope for the breeze, but I cannot summon it unless I am referring to a metaphorical form of the breeze. I guess I could get a fan and a bunch of ice and use them in some sort of combination, but that would be cheating and I think I am leaning more to the metaphorical than the actual form of a combination of a breeze and coolness.
How strong would the breeze be? Should it be a strong or a gentle breeze? It needs to be a cathartic breeze; that much is certain at the moment. However, in the next moment that certainty may be questioned (and it rightly should be [or perhaps not]) and once more I will need to reconfigure the way forward so as to leave the ashen land and usher in a place full of the views that I s desperately crave to have once more in my life.
If this continues to shift around, then who am I to try and grasp it and make sense of the whole thing? Perhaps it should remain as something that shifts and changes. It will settle in its own time and I can’t force that, and perhaps that is fine. Perhaps it is fine to sometimes let things carry you along rather than try to force them into a form or shape that works best. There needs to be a knowing of when and when not to do these things. There needs to be a learning to as to make the best decisions, and perhaps I really an not burned out right now. Perhaps it really is just the being tired due to not enough good sleeps in a row.
Still, I should just keep on writing and then try and let the subconscious take over so as to have whatever this is come out and be a bit more… well, whatever it is that it should be. I don’t know yet. I think I will have to wait and see.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:14:44
Inane rambling that right now I’m pretty happy with, but who knows what the future holds?
I think my subconscious did take over at one point, but I was also aware of my thinking about what I was writing. I think.
Written at home.