Now I was thinking about getting something out into the air, but then when I started realising it all seemed to go away and now I’m stuck with my thoughts floating on by and my inability to grapple with them. All I can do is watch an d hope that some come back to me, but it seems more and more unlikely with each passing moment.
What am I to do but bear witness to the scene at hand. I’m really not sure about all of this, to be honest. I guess I can keep on watching; after all, that is what I’m expecting of myself. However, I’d rather not. I’d rather engage with my thoughts and work out how to best translate them into something more tangible. Really not sure how, however. They are all the way over there, and all I am is here and present and watching like a witness to a spectacle, except the spectacle is not one of any interest to those other than myself. It’s a shame, really.
That said, it could all be worse, of course. It can always be worse and it seems to be getting worse. Not necessarily for me, but for others. I’m pretty lucky at the moment.
Well, that’s what I’m telling myself as currently my work situation is going to shit and I’m struggling a lot more than I’m comfortable admitting, but I guess all I can do is keep on pushing on and hope for the best.
On a completely unrelated note, there’s a link on Stupidity Hole where you can buy some of my photography as prints and other physical objects. You can also support my (and others’) review work on the Culture Eater Patreon, which also has a link on this little space in the Internet.
Yes, that fits in nicely with today’s bit of writing. Not awkward or sudden at all.
Anyway, with that all being said, I need to find a way to get to my thoughts. Maybe I can coerce them to come back to me. Maybe that is something possible. Maybe it is not. I’m really not sure about that one, to be honest.
Still, I must try. I must try collating and trying to organise everything into an order that will make some sort of sense to me so that I can then get onto the grappling of them and hope that I am able to have them be reabsorbed into my being so that once more I will have them right where they’re meant to reside, but of course if they’re floating away they’re still inside and might just hit what I hope is an impermeable barrier, thus causing them to come back to me and limiting the work and effort that I need to put in in order to engage with their being, which I feel is a massive boon in my favour.
Maybe it’s not, but there are other things at hand and foot, though not always.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:54:54
I wasn’t sure about sharing this what with the mentioning of the need for money followed by the mentioning of being able to buy my stuff. It’s something I still feel uncomfortable about as I feel like I’m asking for money. However, it’s what came out and I feel fine enough with the rest of the writing, though maybe I’ll take this down one day.
Written at work.