So I’m trying to think of the words to come up with so I can begin and get writing about something. Anything really. Still, I can’t think of anything to come up with. It’s been a long few weeks and I feel as though I should start writing about something, but the fact is that I’m struggling. It may be due to being tired. It could be due to thinking too much about what to write about. Perhaps I’m looking for that witty opening sentence (or few sentences), and just can’t come up with anything, but really the issue is that I need to get to typing. “Start at the beginning” as they say. It’s something I know I’ve said a few times to a number of people to get them working on something they’re struggling with, so I should start doing that myself.
So, here is the beginning of this text. This is where it all starts for today. Well, it would be, but the start is in the paragraph above so all I can do from this point on is continue on and hope that all of what comes out falls neatly into place. I don’t want to be trying to pull a bunch of things out of space and hope that they stick. I want to write something that is grounded very much in reality and lacks all the kind of rage and anger that I often wish to express but hold back from doing as I descend into incomprehensibility too often and sometimes I need to take a break from that kind of expression.
Only sometimes. Not always.
So I’m here now, I’m present and I am writing and trying to get the point across, but I think that the biggest problem I have is that I’m stuck whilst trying to write. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I have writer’s block, but I do know that I’m having trouble. Perhaps it is the procrastination thing that is holding me back. Perhaps there are a number of reasons. I do know that often I want to write more personally, but hold back as there are so many questions about how it’s all going to be expressed. I guess that some of that comes down to anger.
For a number of years I’ve wanted to write about an important friendship of mine coming to an end, but I’ve always felt that the words were difficult to find as it’s something that I want to do justice whilst cutting out as much bias as possible, but I’ve never gotten around to it. That’s something that really could just be started at the beginning. It’s the same with another that seems to have also come to an end earlier this year. I’m sure that if I get to it, I eventually will be able to put it all down into text in a way that captures the events and the friendships without preventing some sort of angry account.
Of course, there are other things that I want to cover, but I’m not going to go on a loop today. I think I’ve wasted enough words just getting to this point, which I guess is now the part where I try to spin all of this into something positive and show some sort of push forward, regardless of how serious or silly it could turn out.
However, I don’t think that I will reach that point. I’m pretty happy with the fact that I’ve gotten to this point, if I am to be honest.
Maybe the reason for my writing struggle is due to a desire to write in a longer form. However, I really am not sure. Maybe it is too late in the evening for me to tell. Maybe it is too early. Maybe I am just trying to get some padding, but at least I am writing and right now that is good enough.
I don’t think that I need to look for inspiration. I’m pretty sure I’ve got plenty of that.
Wait, why am I doing this? I’ve already worked out that I think the main issue is that I need to sit down and just write instead of trying to think about what to write, but I’m still going on about stuff.
Maybe the journey did not end where I thought it would, and this is sort of the sequel, or something to similar effect.
Clearly the peak of the hill has been passed, so why is this not rolling out as smoothly as I had hoped? Was there a mountain hidden behind the hill? Was it something that waited for its opportunity to strike and now that it is revealing itself, I must face it and hope that I can get to its summit and thus survey the land spread out in all directions and marvel at how small and insignificant I am as well as the overwhelming beauty of all that is in sight?
The only thing I can do now is get started. There is a lot of work that needs to be done and it does not end. I’m sure that once I reach that peak, then there will be another that needs to be surmounted.
Maybe it needs not to be surmounted, but instead of walking around, or away, I’m desiring to go up it and see what awaits. There is a lot to be discovered on the other paths, but this is one that surely would lead to a bit more of the getting done the doing that needs a certain kind of progress in order to be done. Of course, it may not be, but there is only one way to find out all of this and that involves a whole lot of writing.
Now, I’m not sure where I should start, but I think that what I should do is just sit down, cast a few conflicting thoughts aside and start in one particular location: the beginning.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 16:31:58
Not sure as to how all of the above reads. I’m sure it’s acceptable at best.
It’s been far longer than I had hoped since I attempted one thousand words.
I think I need to stretch my legs a little more. I’ve been desiring to spend more time on long form. One thousand words is not exactly long form, but it’s a step in the right direction.
Written at home.