I can only sit for so long.
I’m sitting here, drifting off into my own thoughts, wondering as to what the hell I am doing here in this moment. There’s something pulling me away, and yet I remain obligated to sit here and work on things that I have no desire to work upon due to the agreement between myself and the system of education in which I am under which requires me to sit here and do things until I am able to complete them.
Hopefully this does not cost me dearly down the road.
Hopefully it does not mean that this post continues as some sort of heavily dramatic thing that just seems downbeat.
I guess I’m feeling a little downbeat, or something.
Definitely something that I’m feeling and it is the feeling of being alive in this world of the perceived reality that is around me.
Oh no. The walls are melting.
Oh well. Not much to do about that at the current moment.
Today feels like it s going to be a long day. I don’t know as to why it feels that way, but today just feels like it will go for a while.
It feels like it will go on for so long that I am currently stalling for time, working my way through things that are not work-related, nor study-related. It’s one of those days, but that is something I’ve said before. Still one of those days is how today remains, but perhaps it will change as the shape moves onward to another destination whilst I am left here, wondering as to how to proceed forward into a world of which I do not fully understand, which is a good thing in a way.
I think I just need to knuckle down and push everything to the side so I can keep my focus on the prize ahead. I think that that is what I need to do, but I don’t think I can do it due to being lazy and aimless in this moment.
There’s some changes coming ahead. I think those changes involve pants as well as writing elsewhere, although that elsewhere is yet to be determined.
Or is it?
there is a question that I do not answer because this has derailed and I know that., but I really want to pretend it hasn’t. I so desperately want to keep pretending that none of this has derailed and none of it derailed a long time ago, and yet it is there, in all nakedness, standing at me, stark and serious in its look, for I am merely denying the obvious, trying to hide and pretend that it is not there and it will not go and work with me until I finally accept the truth.
However, I cannot accept and must try to continue to see what the path looks like and where it leads, regardless of the issues that I may or may not face.
I push on forward.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:05:79
Sometimes I wonder as to why I keep on writing and putting my crap up here. It seems that some people get some sort of satisfaction from this and I guess that certainly I do, but there really should be better quality to this stuff.
Written at UNSW.