Five-Hundred Word Challenge 342: Lizards are Awesome

I have to get this written really quickly as there is someone waiting for me so we can go into the lizard lab and  look at lizards for a while.

Yes. I volunteer at uni.

Lizards are awesome.

Do you know what lizards are capable of? Do you?

Lizards can shoot stuff out of their eyes and climb buildings when they are not busy reshaping the way that we think about the world using their powers of the mind over us in order to get the best coffee available to the humble fly of destiny.

Sometimes lizards wear suits.

Being related to chickens, their mouth bite potential is really high as that means they are also related to sharks.

I once saw a lizard take on a face on a wall and the wall collapsed out of the sheer terror that it had to face in order to be able to stand in front of the lizard.

There was one time that a lizard decided that it was not going to be a lizard for a while. Then it decided to be a lizard again.

Lizards can hit you so hard that you do not know what hit you. You will be so knocked out that you’ll realise the awesome powers of lizards in a nutshell riding the wave organ majestic shoehorn of the oboe-inspired future.

When there are many lizards, there are more lizards than if there was one lizard in an area.

Lizards sit in the sun not because they are cold-blooded, but to spite the sun just because they can. There are no ill feelings toward the sun, but a lizard just does it because it is better than the sun.

In fact, it might be possible that thew sun is made out of many lizards continually wiggling their tails and legs in order to generate a mass amount of energy concentrated in one spot, therefore leading to the massive amount of heat that we perceive as being a thing burning in space. The sun will go supernova once the lizards decided that it is best to stop and disperse away from each other.

When the lizards do the thing, you know that it is a thing that will be done. That is how lizards operate, and so will you know that lizards are reptiles.

Lizards do not rule the world, but maybe one day the will once more. That is the way of things.

If lizards were a meat, they would be melon.

Lizards are cute and cool and can do many a thing that people cannot do, but they will always be humble for they know that there is only one way and that is to catch the almighty banana as the janitor shoots the eyes and winks at in the correct pattern to indicate that you know the way forward in order to let you into the super secret jazz club where you shall meet a dramatic event flying through the precipice of time.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:31:83

Well  that was fast.

Could be much better, but I’m pretty satisfied with the result.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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