Five-Hundred Word Challenge 264: I Need to Shave

I need to shave.

Too much of my face right now has been eaten by the tyranny of beard.

It is a horrible experience.

Where is my chin?

What has this beard done to my chin?

Why is it creeping up to try and meet my hair line near my ears?

Why is this something that I have to deal with?

I know that if I shave, it may cause some problems and the skin may feel tender for a little while, but the skin does know that the beard has to go.

Why does the beard like to sit predominantly on the underside of my jaw and not on my face?

Why does the mustache refuse to grow as big and bushy as it should?

These are questions that I have no answer for, for I will never have enough time in my life to be able to learn how to reach them.

It’s more hair than I could ever feel comfortable dealing with in any given amount of life time.

Well, that could change, but right now it is far too much and I do not want to have to deal with the evil malice that this beard spreads all over my face. I do not want to deal with its getting itchy and trying to lure me into scratching it, for I may scratch too hard and accidentally decapitate myself and that would take a lot of work to fix.

It might also leave a fairly unpleasant mess that would require a little bit of cleaning. Perhaps the carpet would have to be replaced if it was stained a little too much.

I need to shave and remove this blight upon my perfect being, but how do I shave when I do not have enough time to shave?

I must wait.

I must bide my time.

I need to make sure that the timing is as perfect as my graceful stroke over the tissues covering my body glides along and removes the hair that is trying to force its way into my life with an ease that needs to be seen to be believed, for it is very difficult to believe if one has not seen the ease at which my hair-removing stroke operates.

It might take a while, but once it is done, then I would not have to worry about the beard for a while.

For a while.

It will inevitably try to return and claim its stake on my face, but so long as I remain diligent, it would remain as something that is no more than a light nuisance that can easily be dealt with.

Right now it is as though a burgeoning forest is approaching a point where it would require more deforestation than if it was dealt with now due to the amount of wild, untamed growth that it is currently exhibiting.

This beard is an offense and it must be dealt with so we can all live in true peace.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:44:57

Behold! A dramatic talking about my need to shave.

Written at home.


About stupidityhole

I'm some guy that does stuff. The standards. Creating amazing effigies, scaling mountains using my feet only and replacing the very fabric of reality. Serious time! I enjoy writing. I make music in some of my spare time. Currently working somewhat full time and studying as well. Also working on self-improvement. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out.
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