Five-Hundred Word Challenge 236: How Cement was Invented

Cement is a wonderful thing that is based off of itself, for cement was created naturally through the random chaos of the world.

Alright, so there was a tornado that was on a beach. It was busy being a tornado, spinning around. It was on the beach. It was doing tornado things.

There was an area that ended up funneling the wind of the tornado into this square-shaped area on the beach between two valleys, therefore leading to an updraft.

The tornado then began to pick up trees that were equidistant from each other in order to slice the trees and put vertical slices within them.

Then it picked up seeds that were equidistant from each other.

The tornado was spinning when the volcano came from space and landed on top of it, therefore stopping the tornado.

There was lava in the volcano.

When the volcano landed, it absorbed all the energy of the tornado and then the lava turned into a whirlpool.

As it just so happened, within the lava of the volcano was all the materials in the right amounts to make cement.

The lava kept on rotating for a while until the ground underneath the volcano also began to rotate as the energy from the rotation of the lava was affecting the earth underneath the volcano.

The trees, which had been cut and were crushed by the volcano then began to come out of the ground as they were attracted to the volcano and its centripetal force.

They hovered around the volcano for a while.

Then the volcano began to spit out the cement mixture, which was cool enough to still be viscous as the whirlpool of lava was fairly cool as whirlpools are not that hot.

As they flew past the trees, they got sliced into rectangular prism shapes that were not very wide but were long.

This worked as tree is the strongest element in the world and can only be cut by tree.

In the tornado it wasn’t the wind that was cutting the trees, but the trees themselves that were cutting themselves.

Therefore, the only thing that can cut a tree is another tree. Nothing else can cut a tree.

So as the cement flew past the trees, the trees cut the cement into the aforementioned block shapes. At this point the cement had hardened as hot air rises and cool air falls and, as we all know, cool air makes cool things that are fairly viscous more solid as they are moving through the cool air fast, therefore experiencing a lot of cool air faster than if they were moving through the cool air slowly.

Then the blocks of cement fell on the ground and formed the first footpath, which just so happened to be in what we now know as Orange, which was then located at the beach but the beach decided to move and Orange wanted to explore more inland, so these things happen.

That is how cement was invented.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:23:51

This came from a conversation that one of my university colleagues and I had after our first exam of this semester. I decided to write about what we were talking about as well as I could remember.

It’s fairly… something.

Written at UNSW.


About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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