Five-Hundred Word Challenge 219: TEA

So it had been a while before this morning since I had last had a tea and whilst I was drinking tea this morning, it got me thinking about just how awesome a beverage tea is, due to how much more versatile it is than coffee.

Coffee has two states: mud water and something that kind of resembles what people say it is like. Both are awful.

You can have a tea however the hell you want. Up a mountain? Done. No milk or sugar? sorted. Infused with everything under the sun? Not a problem.

Tea is so versatile and brilliant that it will go back in time and slap you in the face for daring to treat it as a second-rate type of drink.

You disrespect tea? You disrespect life.

You disrespect the drink of the gods.

Tea is so good that it will make flowers explode from your eyes in a water display of technicolour painting techniques.

It is so flavorsome that there is no dint on its smooth, shimmery surface.

There are drinks that try to come near its being, but they are unable to touch it due to the fear that they will become aware of the knowledge contained in a small cup of the beautiful beverage known as TEA.

It is so good that VIOLENCE becomes OBSOLETE in its presence because everyone wants to sit down with it instead of a CUP of JOE.

Then the peace is achieved and we can go back to watching Saturday Night Fever over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until the television is launched out the window because you realised that you’ve subjected yourself to that film far too many times and essentially wasted a bit too much of your life that could have been spent doing other things, such as drinking more TEA.

TEA comes in many flavours, but there’s only two that are important: Grunt and Beyond Reality. All flavours are as nice as each other, but one must realise that these are the two that you return to all the time, for these are the ones that help you realise as to whom really is a tea drinker and whom is a being pretending to be a human being.

TEA goes hard. It never goes home. It is the drink that whispers sweet nothings into your ear ad gives you the courage to fight a bear on the side of a mountain whilst thunder rains down around you, which then leads to you both heading off for a bit of a kip and then maybe a frolicking in a field before breakfast.

If there is any drink in the world that is worth abandoning everything you knew for, it certainly is TEA. Coffee pales in comparison. It is a weak drink that is for those that cannot handle the TRUTH of the MATTER.

Drink TEA. Accept no imitators.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 8:52:18

I think I thought a little too hard with this one.

Oh well.

So I had a tea for the first time in a while this morning, which is what inspired this post.

Written in Redfern.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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