Five-Hundred Word Challenge 179: Hats

Well, it was an interesting, long day and I’m glad that it’s over.

I’m also not going to talk about it as it’s not that interesting.

Today I’m going to talk about… hats.

HATS?!

Hats.

Hats are cool. You can wear them like you’re more awesome than Bono on a dairy rampage.

You think you’re too good to wear a hat? Get out of here!

A hat is a form of status in a bit of material shaped to fit on your head.
It makes you look sleek, strong, independent, groovy, spiffy, and sleek.

Hats can be worn normally, or on an angle and they can be worn comfortably in both ways.

It’s a rather impressive feat to be able to wear a hat in a way that it is not intended to be worn and still have it sit comfortably on your head. Not many things can be done that way.

You can’t do that with a shoe. Sure, you can wear a shoe on your hands and that may be comfortably, but you’d be taken for the fool you deserve to be taken for, you fool.

No hat? No problem.

Easily acquirable by going up into a tree and summoning the crows of the heavens to bring you one for the low low cost of something mysterious and not known until the time required to collect whatever it may be is at hand.

Hats can protect from the rain and can also give you a bit of shade. Shade can be needed when in the sun. Sun protection is much more important than you may consider it to be, so get one of those slapped onto your head quick. No sun? No excuse.

Ultraviolet is harsher when it’s overcast, so get that thing on already and quit your complaining. You get to look cooler than you’ll ever be able to be and you help prevent damage. There’s no reason as to why you shouldn’t wear one. Your hair is less important than your increased chance of surviving and your looking cool whilst utilising said item that increases chances of surviving.

Hats come in a variety of flavours, although vanilla and pistachio are not choices, unless they are colour variants, in which case they are. This is to allow even the most uncouth of the rabble to look spiffing and brilliant no matter the situation, unless it’s a fedora, in which case you need to wear a suit that a fedora would go with as it’s not much of a casual wear item.

Hats work wonders. They look cool and make you cool whilst protecting your head. They look good on their own as well as on a head. It can be a form of status and, combined with the right sunglasses, will make everything better around you automatically whilst allowing you to succeed at everything forever.

Not everyone can pull it off, but if you are able to, then you must do what is right for all, forever.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:52:64

I decided to write about hats because I could.

TAKE THAT, SOMEONE!

Uhhh… anyway…

Written at home.

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About stupidityhole

I'm some guy that does stuff. The standards. Creating amazing effigies, scaling mountains using my feet only and replacing the very fabric of reality. Serious time! I enjoy writing. I make music in some of my spare time. Currently working somewhat full time and studying as well. Also working on self-improvement. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out.
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2 Responses to Five-Hundred Word Challenge 179: Hats

  1. bymarion says:

    Hats off to the writer!

    Liked by 1 person

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