The wonders of sitting here and slowly going out of my mind is that, once again, I find myself going out of my mind.
That is to say that I’m not, but I imagine if I start thinking about thinking again a bit too much, then I’m going to be sucked into a pool of my own arrogant excess that will be so deep and meaningless that I will inevitably never return and all that will be left of me in reality is a pile of ashes next to a sign that has “Here lies ashes” next to it.
Maybe I should all take this as a message that I need to find something to do right now, for if I don’t, I will begin to type so fast that I will set fire to the keyboard I am typing on as it will not be able to handle just how fast I am typing, inevitably freaking out and wanting to excuse itself from existence to it can finally become the jazz fusion bagpipe player that It always wanted to be, but it can’t right now as I’m hammering away a little too much on it.
I think that I need a thread of coherency right now, but instead I’m going to ignore that need and keep typing away at this completely meaningless diatribe that I seem to be on.
HOW AMAZINGLY DROLL!
It’s possible that the ashes would end up reanimating into some kind of horseshoe crab that had come from some dimension beyond dimensions, trying to deliver a message of hope and peace but would instead be completely ignored as it was so cute, as horseshoe crabs are indeed cute crustaceans.
What would happen then?
It would head back to wherever it came from as it did not come to be treated with admiration for its cuteness, but then of course more horseshoe crabs would get love.
People would celebrate world horseshoe crab day as a testament to how adorable and cute they are.
There would be statues built in their honour as everyone would love them and their cute non-waddling and watch them as they moved around and did whatever horseshoe crabs do, like sorting out their taxes and drinking fresh orange juice whilst out on a stroll in the evening sun.
Then the horseshoe crabs would begin to invade and take over the lands as they are truly scheming little creatures that are far more devious than dolphins could ever hope to be.
That’s why dolphins don’t like them.
Anything with less mobility than a robotic vacuum cleaner, yet still able to be far, far more evil, is anathema to them.
Of course, there have been wars between these two mighty species.
The dolphins always seem to come out on top, but the crabs are always the superior victors, due to their evil and cunning and their ability to distract with far greater ease than one would expect from them.
Such is the way of things.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 10:19:46
It might have taken less time than the previous one, but I think the quality was lower than usual.
This one and the last two were written within a period of a few hours on the same day at work as I had a stronger desire than usual to write.
However, by this point, I think I was grasping at straws more than anything as I (kind of) had an idea but it derailed pretty early on, so I was forcibly making things up around the “HOW AMAZINGLY DROLL” bit.
Maybe I was a little too bored at work as well.
This was written at my desk at work.