Being at home today with gastro has allowed me to think a lot.
Well, I already think a lot.
Being at home today with gastro has allowed me to think a lot with more quiet around me than usual. I don’t mind noise but it’s not something I want when I’m ill.
Recently my un-ex has had to deal with a lot of stuff and has gone a bit more quiet than usual due to a lot of it.
I find it frustrating.
Partly because it’s not desirable for someone to go through all of that.
Partly because it’s hard to watch.
Mostly because I feel powerless to assist and it’s scary.
I feel as though I have no ability to make things easier at times and it manifests in weird ways. I might get stroppy or irritable which is stupid on my part because it can make things worse.
For some reason I’m still being stubborn about it as well because I have it in my head that it’s better not to show weakness here, even though it really isn’t (which is part of why I’m writing about this tonight as otherwise I’m going to remain silent about how I feel).
I can keep trying though and that’s important. I need to keeping trying and be open about being scared of being unable to assist.
I know I shouldn’t be scared but I find the idea of being unable to help absolutely scary.
I will keep trying.
Well, at least once the gastro has passed.