Shin Megami Tensei I and II plot summary

Recently I decided on a whim to check out a forum I used to post in.
Unfortunately the forum seems to be abandoned now.

Anyway, I decided to have a look for a particular post I made and I was able to come across it.

Someone had asked for a plot summary for Megami Tensei I and II. I mistook this for a request of a plot summary of Shin Megami Tensei I and II and provided a summary for those instead. However, my summary was mostly silly and stupid in an attempt to be farcical but led to it being more ridiculous than anything.

I think I was influenced by someone writing a humorous plot summary of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.

Anyway, here is what I posted, unedited to preserve its ridiculous glory.

I hope you enjoy.

Please note that I am now aware that I misspelt Stephen Hawking.

Please also note that there are spoilers.

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Okay.
It’s 199x.
Demons start coming out of nowhere, thanks to Steven Hawking (the true enemy). His teleporting powers of destruction opened up a connection to Makai and demons want to crash the party in Tokyo.
A general tries a coup-d’etat using the demons. America intervenes. There’s also this girl called Yuriko who wants to be with you but can’t have you because you’re destined to be with this other girl who is an underground resistance leader.
Thor, who is also the American Ambassador, launches ICBMs aimed at Tokyo. After they hit, you wake up in Makai which is like Disneyland with a two drink minimum.
You end up 30 years in the future. It is not as it seems. Eventually you run into your dog who, before the world changed, you fused with a demon to turn into Kerberos. He rocks out with his rooster out. You also get the underground resistance leader girl back who wants to be your Eve. Yuriko is also around and eventually reveals herself to be Lilith and that’s not cool. Well, it kind of is, but that’s not the point. You have to kill her because she’s a meanie.
Steven is here in the future, as well a dude called Louis Cypher. Steven is, of course, plotting. Louis is doing stuff.
Eventually Tokyo gets flooded because someone left the plug in the drain so you collect some items and then go into the final dungeon and either fight chaos, law or both. Neutral is the canon. You tell both sides to **** off and go build your own future.

50 years later, the next game begins. You begin as a gladiator called Hawk. You’re in Tokyo Millennium. Steven Hawking is still around. He’s now entered himself into the matrix… of the virtual battler so he can give you programs. He’s still plotting.
After beating a dude called Red Bear in the Colosseum, you end up being able to go to Center, which is in the centre of Tokyo Millennium. This girl called Hiroko joins you before you go there though. Also, you meet a guy called Zain who tells you that your actually called Aleph. You also are a citizen of Center as well.
Screen fades to black and then you’re in Center, speaking to some bishop-type man. Hiroko leaves. There is something important revealed to you. You’re Aleph and you’re Jesus. Or, as I like to call him, Jésus. You’re joined by a girl called Beth.
You’re sent to go defeat King Frost.
Meanwhile, Steven is still hanging around in the virtual battler.
Later on, Red Bear reveals himself to be Daleth. He thinks he’s the messiah and calls Aleph the impersonator of the king. Or the messiah. You fight him again. He kills Beth. You defeat him. Beth stops Aleph from killing him.
Further on, Aleph’s informed to go stop Mekata who’s a person. When Aleph meet Mekata, he tells Aleph that Hiroko is now imprisoned for being a heretic and Aleph goes to save her. You fight Daleth, a demon called Naja  joins the party and then you fight Zain on the way. Hiroko is trying to ignore Aleph so Naja fuses itself with her and Hiroko gets bored of ignoring him. Then she joins again.
On the way back, Aleph meets Zain again who points out that the area of Tokyo Millennium called Valhalla was swallowed by Abaddon. Kerberos also joins you because he wanted to rock out with his rooster out in the future as well.
Zain starts going completely against Center, Aleph heads into the underworld (which is the ruins of original Tokyo), he fights Daleth one last time, helps Hiruko revive Lord Masakado, meets Louis Cypher who also wanted to hang around in the future, helps Zain save some people and sends Siren to Makai by finding her dead boyfriend. Steven is STILL hanging out  in the virtual battler.
Aleph ends up going into Center to fight with all his might. He kills the angels Raphael, Uriel and Michael (Jackson).
Then you get to wail on Shinryou YHVH. Gabriel appears, informing you that he and the other three angels built Tokyo Millennium, then the other three ruled it. Turns out that Gabriel was following true YHVH and you didn’t kill the real deal.
Steven is still in the ******* virtual battler, still handing out programs. He’s also nearly done plotting.
Aleph ends up going to Makai and meets Steven in the flesh. He’s almost mastered his teleporting powers of destruction and has set up terminals so people (and demons) can go places. Aleph ends up meeting Louis Cypher who reveals himself to be Lucifer and asks if he wants to hang out at his castle (Castle Kether) because he’s cool like that. A bit later on, Gabriel takes Aleph to Eden and you talk to Zain there.
So Aleph heads to Lucifer’s crib and they hang out. Aleph accidentally spills some Apple Juice. Lucifer ends up trying to kill him but Aleph wins. Then he meets Steven again. Steven warns him that Kuzuryuu is going to wake up and murdilate everything. Daleth asks Aleph to stop Kuzuryuu as well so Aleph does.
Steven then tells Aleph to go to Eden. When Aleph gets there, he hangs with Zain for a bit. Then Zain reveals that he is actually Satan. Aleph trips and falls into the underworld. Steven then tells him that  There was an ark built in center. Inside the ark is Megido Arc, a super-powerful laser. The ark is launched from Tokyo Millenium and Satan will use Megido Arc because YHVH doesn’t care about the world anymore. Steven, almost done plotting, teleports Aleph to Eden. He ends up fighting Satan and winning because Satan wasn’t angry enough.

Aleph then hears a voice. He heads towards it and after traveling in the direction of forward, YHVH does that whole WTF STRAIGHT OUTTA LEFTFIELD crap. He then starts to rap, in speech format.
Aleph ends up beating him, YHVH realises he’s middle aged and runs off. Hiroko says that they can rely on each other and they ride a horse into the sunset.

~Fin.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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