I’m a paranoid guy.
You’ve probably figured that out by reading a good chunk of what I write.
I haven’t always been as paranoid as I am these days.
I have no idea.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of paranoia. I believe it can be healthy.
I do believe there is a problem when you’re questioning almost every interaction or lack thereof.
It does not lead to healthy thought patterns.
Nor does it lead to healthy actions.
I’m trying to think of a joke to make about paranoia here, but either my humour (it does indeed exist) is failing me or so many have been made at this stage that the imprint in the ground of the horse is being flogged.
I’ve managed to work myself into something resembling mania over not knowing if I’d be fired, increasing my chances of being fired, funnily enough.
I’ve also questioned housemates motives from them spending a fair bit of time in their room.
I’ll check I have everything I need on my bag multiple times before I head to work.
Sometimes I’ll walk back to whichever door I exit out of in the morning to make sure I’ve locked it properly.
I have been known to turn back after going a fair distance to do this.
Admittedly these aren’t that bad. However, combined with my overactive mind, they (and many other things) become fairly problematic.
So how do I change this?
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure.
I’d like to believe that I need to actively apply rationality on my thoughts trust my actions more often than I do and eventually it’ll become second nature.
Realistically, I’m not sure if that will work, but I still think it’s worth a try.