Problem 2: Children

Two posts in one day. My apologies. I didn’t intend for this to happen but apparently my brain decided it would be a good idea to put more out than what I would normally consider sensible, so this post is brought to you by my brain.

My brain: For the times when rationality has no place.

In my opinion, children are great. They can certainly teach adults a lot.

However, they aren’t for me.

I’ve wanted to have kids for a long time. I always tried to justify it in some way and I tried to discuss it a lot with my ex. Not so much to convince her (as she doesn’t want children), but because I liked to talk about the possibility.

I’ve never wanted them out of love though.

Parts of my family are seriously screwed up. It’s nowhere near as bad as a lot out there but that doesn’t mean I had a completely healthy environment growing up (although there are certainly things I am grateful for) and it had a strong negative impact on how I percieve myself.

Eventually I decided that one day I would have kids because it would validate me as a good person. Nothing more. I gradually started to add other reasons to justify my thinking as something more than completely selfish desire.

Thinking you’ll be a good person if you have children is not a good reason to have children. You’re not thinking about them. You’re making it all about you.  Sure, you may succeed and raise a family well, but that is a bad place to start.

It put a massive strain on my relationship because I didn’t recognise that I was already being validated as a good person.

So, how do I change this?

That I’ve recognised the issue and that I need to stop pursuing it is already a good start. It means I can move on from the problem very easily. But if the idea of children ever comes up again, I’m really going to need to think hard about whether I would be having them for something beyond selfishness.

I also need to be able to validate myself as a good person instead of relying on trying to achieve serious external commitments like starting a family. Although I am now, it doesn’t matter how much I do if I don’t accept that I can and will be a good person.

Hopefully my brain doesn’t decide to put more out today.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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