And if only I was talking about camera film!
Once upon a time there was this guy who by some miraculous coincidence, had my name, height, voice, personality and devilishly handsome face. He was going through an unhealthy situation that, had he been mature enough to realise, he would’ve pulled hinself out of. Instead of that happening though, he let it get worse and he gradually became far more negative and pessimistic until he snapped and melted down, becoming a monster toward the other person in the situation. The other one was not exactly a good person themselves but just because you’re problematic doesn’t mean you need crap thrown in your face.
Anyway, they parted ways in life in quite a bad manner due to the meltdown the guy had. He was miserable for a while and although some of the bonds he had broke, many became much stronger. He also had new people come into his life at this stage, with one person in particular becoming one of the truest friends someone could ask for.
Eventually the guy met someone new and they begun to date. Eventually their relationship became serious and both the guy and his partner were very happy together. However, the guy ended up losing focus on working towards the relationship and moved away from having a balanced attitude and mired himself in the negativity and pessimism that he had in his life beforehand.
You know what happens next.
Negativity is by far and large my greatest problem. I haven’t always been so down on a lot of things and there are certainly others where my attitude has improved, but overall I’ve let myself slip and instead of getting back up, I’ve stayed. It is the main problem from which a lot of my other problems stem from.
Whilst I had been wallowing, people have come along to help me out and pull me from the rut I’ve firmly entrenched myself in; my ex obviously being one of them. However, I refused their help because I didn’t acknowledge my downturn.
Now people are willing to deal with someone being negative for a long time, but it does end at some point. If your friends and the person you love are worrying about you more than you think you should and drop hints (or directly tell you) that you’re not being you, it’s a a good idea to listen to them because if you don’t, you may end up losing far more than you can gain.
Now, as my negativity is the cause of a lot of my problems, it is one of the things I have to work on the longest. I think I said in one of the last three posts that I can at least get back to a healthy balance of positivity and negativity and that remains the goal. It’s where I function best and where people worry about me the least.
But how do I get there?
I’ve already begun to shift. I’ve started paying more attention to things said around my work place. There is a lot of negative stuff said here. Now that I’m making myself aware of it, it’s much easier to brush off. I’m also applying this to my life outside of work and, well, it seems to be working.
When I start thinking negatively, I’m stopping the thought and trying to spin it in a more positive light. This one is much harder to do, but it is working.
With my music… that is going to be the hardest. I don’t have much music that is negative. I do listen to the negative stuff a lot though, so I’m going to have to cut a lot of it out or at least change my approach to listenng to it.
I don’t like how I have to force myself with this, but I am freely admitting that I have to do so to improve myself.
Being negative all the time is not for me. It never has been and I’m done with it.